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"So we move away from the slower pace, where you have to wait, listen, and let your mind go over things. We move away from the pace of human conversation. And so conversations without agenda, where you discover things as you go along, become harder for us. We haven't stopped talking, but we opt out, often unconsciously, of the kind of conversation that requires full attention. Every time you check your phone in company, what you gain is a hit of stimulation, a neurochemical shot, and what you lose is what a friend, teacher, parent, lover, or co-worker just said, meant, felt." - Sherry Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation

These words welcome us upon opening Turkle's book Reclaiming Conversation and of course they ring true. If you own a smart phone I think you can quickly recall a time, recently even, where you were distracted by the companion at your side. The buzz, the blink, the screen lighting up. It's been nagging me for a while now. My own reliance and addiction. Having spent years practicing mindfulness even today I catch myself in moments of being completely lost and sucked into the phone's realm to check e-mail, updates, send a text, or whatever else can distract me from the here and now.

Where do we as humans stand on the side of these technologies? They have, within the last ten years, completely hijacked our brains. Perhaps humanity will look back at this time as the dawn of the cyborgs as we carry these devices around that slowly shift our reliance on ourselves to the devices and technology. Turkle's style in this book is to pose these questions to individuals. Rather than sitting back and relying on all of the latest science, she goes out and interviews people. Young people, old people, people who are dating, working, or just trying to communicate. Each example brings forth more personal memories; people speaking from their own hearts recognize the shift and harm we seem to be doing. Consider these examples given:

On neighbours,

"In the olden days, people were friends with their neighbors. They weren't friends with people who lived ten miles away. So nowadays, people aren't so close with their neighbors. Their friends don't live close by. And there's more traveling, and you're associated with people everywhere, but in the olden days, you basically knew what you were familiar with. Your town, your people. Now if you don't have your phone, you are alone ... People used to know their neighbors; now all you've got is your phone."

On self-reflection,

"As long as I have my phone, I would never just sit alone and think ... When I have a quiet moment, I never just think. My phone is my safety mechanism from having to talk to new people or letting my mind wander. I know that this is very bad ... but texting to pass the time is my way of life."

On children in school from a teacher's perspective,

"When they hurt each other, they don't realize it and show no remorse. When you try to help them, you have to go over it and over with them, to try to role-play why they might have hurt another person. And even then, they don't seem sorry. They exclude each other from social events, parties, school functions, and seem surprised when others are hurt. One time, everyone was talking about a concert that one student hadn't gone to, right in front of this girl - she didn't have the money for the tickets - but they went on and on. She had tears in her eyes.

They are not developing that way of relating where they listen and learn how to look at each other and hear each other."

I picture my own relationship with technology and remember a time before cell phones. Having to confront people, or not. Having to relate to individuals face-to-face. The thought that children are now able to avoid these ways of empathic growth should be a concern to everyone. We really don't know where this leads long-term.

The book overall, highly recommended, can be sobering. It should lead to reflection on the time we spend with devices and open us to up to ways to become more mindful of life around us. The people around us. Without hijacking this entire post about mindfulness, I find myself fortunate enough to have found it years ago and now be able to recognize the pull of technology and my own relationship from the standpoint of an observer. It doesn't prevent the pull, or from me getting sucked in, but it helps to notice. To recognize the pull and perhaps work a little bit harder to avoid it. To see the impact it has on my life and thereby lead to ways to unravel the web.

Spending more time around the people at work and getting up from my chair and walking the floor a bit more. Interacting a bit more rather than checking e-mail or checking social media. Small steps. It's always about the small habits we can then build into something larger. Technology is ahead of us on this one. It starts with one like and suddenly we are fully locked in trying to chase likes or shape how our perception is online.

The book ends on an even sobering thought and one that left me feeling uncomfortable. Where does this lead? We move down the path towards artificial intelligence and robotics in hopes of making our lives easier and more efficient but what are we giving up? The optimistic view is that all of these robots in our lives will make things easier so we have more time to spend with each other; it doesn't seem to be the case yet with phone but perhaps it takes time for us to get there. The alternative view is that robots are also taking over the jobs where some people find their regular human interaction. The barista at Starbucks, the teller at the grocery store or the owner of the book store. How long before all of these jobs have lost their human element so that we get our coffee and groceries a fraction quicker. I'll leave you with this story from the book that hit me square in the feelings:

"...I thought of all the years I went shopping with my grandmother as I grew up and all the relationships she had with tradespeople at every store: the baker, the fishmonger, the fruit man, the grocery man (for this is what we called them). These days, we all know that the job the man at the checkout counter does could be done by a machine. In fact, down the street at another supermarket, it is done by a machine that automatically scans your groceries. And so I shared this thought: Until a machine replaces the man, surely he summons in us the recognition and respect you show a person. Sharing a few words at the checkout may make this man feel that in his job, this job that could be done by a machine, he is still seen as a human being."

 

Let me know your thoughts if you have had a chance to read this one or just about the topic in general. Have you seen your own conversations dwindle at the rise of technology? Perhaps some are more prone to it; is it a safe speculation to say that introverts may be more inclined to revert into the world of technology faster?


As I picked up Ego is the Enemy and began the journey through its pages my first instinct was one of annoyance. Annoyed that I had picked up another generic self-help book before I'd even given Ryan a chance. The introduction came across as shallow in my mind; a glorified blog post in book form. Then the book unfolded. Some sections didn't grab my attention and yet others provided deeper thought-provoking messages that I was forced to take away and think about. This idea of ego being our enemy. Perhaps the greatest sign of its insidiousness is believing that everything is fine and then you begin to realize the ego is laughing as it plays the marionette of your mind.

Consider this point, from a chapter called Talk, Talk, Talk.

"Blank spaces, begging to be filled in with thoughts, with photos, with stories. With what we're going to do, with what things should or could be like, what we hope will happen. Technology, asking you, prodding you, soliciting talk.

Almost universally, the kind of performance we give on social media is positive. It's more "Let me tell you how well things are going. Look how great I am." It's rarely the truth: "I'm scared. I'm struggling. I don't know."

This statement began a domino effect of thoughts in my mind.

I'm scared. I'm struggling. I don't know. The title of this chapter extends into the day to day for some of us. This level of constant thought that never seems to go away. While we carry on with a positive outward appearance, we are scared, we struggle and we simply don't know. Reading this sentence felt like a deep breath taken while standing at the top of the mountain. Ah yes. There is the reality of my current situation.

Too much time spent thinking and yet the ego provides this escape. Show everyone things are good. Spend some time distracting yourself and time flows by. Oliver Burkeman covers this very topic in his book The Antidote. In his book, he spends time sitting down with Eckhart Tolle who spent years in this very morass before one day stepping out of it and never looking back.

"It is when we identify with this inner chatter, Tolle suggests - when we come to think of it as us - that thinking becomes compulsive. We do it all the time, ceaselessly, and the idea that we might ever enjoy a respite from thinking never occurs to us. We come to see our thinking and our continuing to exist as people, as one and the same thing. "Not to be able to stop thinking is a dreadful affliction," Tolle writes. "But we don't realise this because everybody is suffering from it. So it's considered normal." The sense of self that we construct from identifying with our thoughts is what Tolle calls the 'ego'.

About the time as I was wrapping up both of these books, having spent time thinking on this very topic, a fog lifted. The constant focus on trying to come up with a worthy goal was killing everything else. Overthinking at it's most gruesome. The reminder to stop thinking, in fact, helped me to do just that. The overthinking, for now, ceased and I began to just do the things I enjoyed again for the sake of doing. If you are like me, and someone who can easily get caught up in overthinking, remember that constant overthinking can be the cause of much of our dissatisfaction. Even though we like to blame other things, it is the constant dwelling on these other things that cause our day to day anxiety and stress.

Consider Burkeman's book The Antidote for some anti-happiness ideas to truly find ways to move towards satisfaction and Eckhart Tolle's book The Power of Now to help lift the veil of overthinking and remind ourselves to focus on now. We are not our thoughts; we are simply here in the present moment doing as we choose. Lastly, consider Ryan Holiday's book The Ego is the Enemy if you want some more general ideas on the ego and different strategies it uses to work against us and ideas to overcome.

Featured beer today is a collaboration brew from Outcast Brewing and Two Sergeant's Brewing called Boston Common. A New England IPA dry hopped with Galaxy, Citra and Amarillo Hops.


Rogue Ales Hazelutely Choctabulous & Cal Newport's Deep Work

We live in a distracted world and a distracted age. I know, I'm deep like that sometimes really digging under the surface of society. Watching yourself close down Internet Explorer tabs only to open them up 15 seconds later and browse to the same site though, that's concerning. As these moments in my own life began to pile up it became clear that this is something I'd need to work on.

The 80's and 90's were a time of TV being the distraction. Loud music being played in cars was the distraction. Now it's information all around us. There are two monitors, an iPad screen and two cell phones all within two feet of me at this moment. All of these items promising hours of endless distraction and all I need to do is reach my hand out.

Cal Newport, in his book Deep Work, has taken the reigns against this systemic problem and tried to offer up some solutions. I've become self-conscious enough about my own writing to not simply plagiarize all of Cal's great ideas but instead direct you to the book and really focus in on one idea I'm currently stickhandling in my own life. Finding time to focus and do some deep work for me. Oddly enough, finding time has never been my problem. The issue is the distraction and inability to keep myself focused on the hard task at hand to be able to get something accomplished. Case in point, this website! Last post - October 27th and yesterday. Wait, does that mean I didn't find the time? No, I allowed myself to get distracted enough to the point where it became easier to walk away then to start over. So, now that we are all back here again (the one or two of you reading this), let's consider one of many solutions provided by Cal. The Four Disciplines of Execution, an idea Cal is quick to point out he did not create but borrowed and modified, from Chris McChesney, Sean Covey and Jim Huling, is now something I'm working on putting into my own life.

The Four Disciplines of Execution that Cal proposes are designed to help truly carve out the time needed for deep work. Deep work is the kind of work where we can really buckle down, ignore the distractions around us and feel as though we accomplished something afterwards. The points are as follows:

#1 - Focus on the wildly important goals. This helps to narrow your focus on what you truly want, and should be, spending your deep work time. Full disclosure, this has been something else I've struggled with. Identifying what those wildly important goals are is creating a bit of turn in my own head. It's the starting point though.

#2 - Remember the lead measures. If you have your important goal then a lead measure is as easy as how many hours you spent working on it in a day. It doesn't have to be complicated. 15 minutes today; good. Let's aim for 20 tomorrow. I've carved out time, early in the morning, to read the books I want without distraction and try to truly digest them. Part of this experiment against distraction is the realization that I can read a hundred books in a year and remember ten of them. I want that to get better.

#3 - Keep a compelling scoreboard. This follows intuitively #2. Tracking can be one of the strongest reminders to keep working. It is quite powerful to look at my workout book in the gym and push myself on getting one more rep or set in. Jon Acuff, in his book Finish, talks about this very idea. The data itself can help keep one on track with all kinds of goals if we are only willing to pay closer attention. Try keeping it simple and noting how many minutes or hours you spend a day doing deep working making sure to keep yourself honest. Don't beat yourself up if you miss a day, just keep track. Getting an extra 15 minutes today, or an extra hour this week is growth.

#4 - Create a cadence of accountability. Take some time each week to review how you made out. Find the things that worked and what didn't. If you are like me and you tend to jot things down then make sure you are taking the occasional note of what worked (when, where, etc.) or what didn't. I'm still working on coming up with good review system. Carving out a few minutes each week to spend the time reflecting may also help me buckle down and improve upon the last week.

It sounds easy when I write it down nicely into these 4 easy steps (borrowed from Cal's book and borrowed from Chris' book) but I can recognize that something has changed. Even understanding the fact that we humans have an uncanny ability to be distracted and why has changed my outlook on the idea of deep work. I'm the classic student who studied in front of the T.V. because of multitasking. As I get older, I recognize the importance of these deeper and more reflective blocks of time. If nothing else changes and I have this time to read carved out, that was worth the price of the book alone in my mind.

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